A Shy One
Are you a shy one? Recently one of our community members and modelling students referred to herself as the shy one. This is a beautiful, bubbly seemingly outgoing and confident person who we’ve spent time with and had lots of fun together (we even did an impromptu photo-shoot). There was never an awkward pause in our conversation or anything to give us a clue that this was her inner view of herself.
This got us thinking about the subject of shyness, what is it and how to overcome it – will it ever go away?
What Is Shyness?
It is often linked to low self-confidence or low self-esteem. In severe cases it can lead to various types of anxiety. In particular in social situations. We’ve even heard it said that people would rather die than have to do any public speaking! Shyness is not something we are born with but something we have acquired as we have developed. It can be debilitating and stop us doing the things we want and dream of doing in our lives.
Can Shyness Be Overcome?
We suggest that anything that you can do to build your confidence is good. Plus reducing any fears you have whether they are real or imagined is good too. By improving skills in many areas you can give yourself a better chance of success in the frustrations of feeling shy. For example, if you’re worried about entering a room full of people on your own it might help by ticking the following:
Tick List
My posture is good and makes me feel confident. It’s better than it’s ever been or the best in my circumstances
I feel good about my appearance and the care I’ve taken with my outfit, makeup, hair, nails & jewellery
The purpose for the next few hours is clear. I know what I want to achieve from the event. ie make contacts, let people know what I do, learn something, add something, have fun
I have a list of open questions that I’ve rehearsed and am prepared to start conversations with
If I recognise people but can’t remember their names it doesn’t matter. It’s enough that I recognise them and that I’m pleased to see them. The rest of the conversation will work out. I could admit I’ve forgotten their name or where I know them from. After all it’s a common thing and much nicer than someone feeling ignored!
When I don’t recognise anyone I can search out a person on their own who maybe feeling awkward and introduce myself. Because I’m not the only one who has ever felt shy! I can introduce myself and ask them a question. One like: what brings you here? How are you involved in the event? Have you travelled far? and so on…..
Plus you could find these tips useful:
It may be a good idea to begin by checking out the room layout. Find out where the toilets and cloakroom are, then the drinks, food and seats, see if there are any artwork or views to admire etc. This gives you a sense of purpose and helps settle any initial butterflies. It also gives you the chance to see if there is someone you are expecting to see or meet up with
Or you could find somewhere prominent to sit or stand and see who comes to you. No shying away in the corner please or fixating on your mobile (although it can be handy for a moment to keep you calm)
Have a timescale in mind. Such as I’m going to stay for at least xxxx and for no longer than xxxx and I know how I’m going to leave and get home safely
And lastly, S M I L E – a nice big smile changes everything. Smiling is infectious for the person you are smiling at but also for yourself and everyone who sees it!
Does Being A Shy One Have To Hold You Back?
Does being a shy one have to stop you reaching for your goals and dreams? We don’t believe so. It needs to be acknowledged as a part of you. So don’t ignore it but also don’t give it too much attention and power over you. A deep breath, with the question “What is the worst thing that can happen?” And on your way
And maybe no one would ever think or know that you were a shy one – sssshhhh, it can be our secret!
Or more importantly that you are with each step building and living the life that you want to live being your best self
DON’T LET SHYNESS HOLD YOU BACK AND SAY YES TO OPPORTUNITIES
You may surprise yourself and find that it can be a lot of fun and open up a whole new world
Have you in the past or do you suffer from shyness? What helps you? Do let us know in the comments below as we’d love to hear. Please share with you friends and family who you think might like or benefit from this Daphne News.
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Shyness, for me resulted from a life of negative experiences with people. I learned early some people want to control you and manipulate your emotions. I was able to pick up that their insecurities was pushed onto me and “I accepted them as my own. How did I handle it? I sought out professional help – but that was not enough – I had to learn what made me feel good and what made me feel bad. I had to learn to love me in a “Healthy” way. End results – I “disconnected” from any toxic environment or people. I have accepted myself – the good, the bad and the ugly. I am my “best friend.” I am just more careful of people and my environment. –My Motto – “when you are invited to dinner – but sure you are not the meal.” Now – I am me VOID of shyness and carefully selective of my choices in life.
Thank you so much Angela for describing your experiences. I totally agree you only want to say ‘Yes’ to positive and uplifting people and environments. Dx
Thanks Daphne. Not a problem I have had in general, but then we all feel shy inside. Hope all well with you.
Sarah x
I’m extremely shy. 🙈 My dad is too but he gave me the best advice/example. He basically says that it’s ok to feel shy on the inside but to put yourself out there, look someone in the eye, smile and balance a conversation of give and take is for the other person. They might not remember you, but they will remember the way you made them feel so hopefully you made them feel good.
GC
Yes…. although people are surprised when I tell them! Hidden anxieties bubbling away in the background
Miss LP